I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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