He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
