so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
