Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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