I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
