she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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