haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
