It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
