apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
my liver is dry heaving
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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