I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
