clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
ok first of all what the fuck
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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