The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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