i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
