there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
