Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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