Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize