is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
