I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
