the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
