Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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