I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
