Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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