you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
