i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
