I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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