I just saw a hot homeless man
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize