Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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