She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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