I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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