i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize