I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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