Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
