DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
