She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize