i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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