I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
