bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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