it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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