I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
