I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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