my phone needs a breathalizer
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Alive.
So much puke
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
