if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
