So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just invented taco cereal.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
