Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
