She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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