When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize