then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
