I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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