thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
