dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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