Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
