you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
