No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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