we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
