He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So much rum. So many feels.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The power of my boobs compel you
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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