i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
