I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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