i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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