I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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