note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize